Salaam.
There’s a specific kind of guilt that isn’t about feeling far from Allah. It’s the fear that you’re the reason for the distance — that you’re the one who put it there.
يَا بَنِيَّ اذْهَبُوا۟ فَتَحَسَّسُوا۟ مِن يُوسُفَ وَأَخِيهِ وَلَا تَا۟يْـَٔسُوا۟ مِن رَّوْحِ ٱللَّهِ
Yā baniyya idh’habū fataḥassasū min Yūsufa wa akhīhi wa lā tay’asū min rawḥi Allāh
“O my sons! Go and search diligently for Joseph and his brother. And do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah, for no one loses hope in Allah’s mercy except those with no faith.” — Yusuf 12:87
Ya’qub (AS) isn’t saying this to strangers. He’s saying it to the same sons who conspired against Yusuf (AS) — who then came to him with a false story about a wolf and a bloodied shirt he saw through. He knows exactly who he’s talking to. And he still sends them out with the same words: don’t despair of Allah’s mercy. Not “earn it back first.” Not “you’ve forfeited the right to ask.” The mercy wasn’t waiting for clean hands — it was there to be reached for, even by the ones who caused the loss.
Allah, don’t let what I’ve caused become the reason I stop reaching for Your mercy.